“No! Not now.” I am in sheer panic. My body feels as though I am smoldering from the inside out, as if I have drunk acerbic liquor. I feel a proverbial irritable consciousness, that sad endorphine feeling, consuming my mind. I stop dressing; place my bright pink lipstick, in a slow rhythmic movement, precisely on my dresser table. Then I pick it up again, gaze at it as if I am seeing it for the first moment before repositioning it, this time lining it up with the other lips sticks.
“Neat and tidy.” I smile despondently.
I sit on my bed, staring up at the ceiling in amazement for a few minutes, before burying my face in the palms of my hands and sobbing, un-controllably. It is nine am in the morning. The interview, my second interview is at ten thirty.
“I can’t do this, today.”
I dial the firm and tell them I am unable to make it. “I’m unwell” I say. They like my designs, they are willing to reschedule. I should be happy but I am overcome with numbness, nothing matters anymore. I spend the day, eating ice cream, with my curtain draws, until I am surrounded in complete darkness, while sobbing in my pillow.
This is how it starts. First a feeling of pure sadness hits you like a flood of water. Then you feel irritable, sometimes even having a sudden outburst of the giggles and then that twinkle in your eyes begins to fade. Abruptly followed by the thought that the world and everything in it is out to get you. Nothing feels worth it, not even you.......
Copywrited by Kia Storm
PLEASE SEE LINK TO READ MORE Published on http://www.downdirtyword.com/authors/kiastorm.html
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